Anorexia - My Story

I was a wife and a mother in 1994 and at the age of 27 I never thought I had a eating disorder. Eating disorders were for teenagers-- not someone over the age of twenty. But, I did.

I had gone to my family doctor for panic attacks for a long period of time and he prescribed me Xanax. Each time I had gone to him I would have to get weighed. I started out being 130 which was fine with me because I am 5 5 1/2. the time I reached 100lbs and addicted to Xanax I was put into a hospital. I made one little mistake and that little mistake saved my life. My doctor asked me a question. A question I thought I had the right answer to or thought that everyone felt like me. He asked me If I wanted to die, and I of course said Before I knew it I was being 302 into the hospital. (302 means that someone can commit you into a hospital if they think you are a harm to yourself or to others).

Before I knew it I was in a mental hospital and in the eating disorder unit. They were telling me that I had a eating disorder, and of course I was denying it the whole time. Doctors and nurses were coming in asking me questions taking my blood and I just wanted to go home to my little girl she needed me.

As much as I thought my daughter needed me she did not need a mother who was addicted to Xanax and who is Anorexic. I owed it to her and my husband to get better and get out.

The first morning and every other morning after that we had to get weighed in our gowns. We would get weighed backwards so we would not see the scale go up. I remember the doctors telling me that they wanted me to be 115lbs in order for them to release me. I also remember thinking right we would go down and have breakfast. There were men, women (even older than I was) and teenagers. Some were there for Anorexia, Bulimia and Compulsive eating.

Now that I look back the breakfast table was not a pretty sight. The Anorexics and the bulimics didn want to eat but the Compulsive eaters were eating very fast like they could not get enough. After breakfast we had to wait an hour after we ate to make sure our food digested and we were not allowed in the bathroom for the fear of us vomiting. So we would sit and talk. After that we were assigned therapy for eight hours. There was art therapy, music therapy, relaxation therapy, psycodrama, group therapy, family therapy, and one on one therapy, plus in that time we had to eat lunch and dinner. I will tell you what,you really get to know yourself when you have all this therapy for 5 days straight. On the weekends we were allowed visitors and there was no therapy. It was time for ourselves. Some of us would sleep, write in journals, play games, do arts and crafts or just talk to others. It is amazing how we all got into the hospital. Each person story was different in every way. It didn matter if we were Anorexic, Bulimic or Compulsive eating were there for the same reason we just had out own coping mechinism.

I spent the whole summer of 1994 in the hospital In that time I have learned more about myself and the disease that I had. Yes, a disease. Just like alcoholism or diabetes.

When I left that day I thought I would never be back, but I was wrong.